The past

I have thought for years what I might tell him if I saw him again. Part of me hoped that he was no longer living so I wouldn't have to deal with it. Now, however, it looks like I might. So I have been thinking about our relationship as a whole.

I don't recognize that person from back then. I want to tell him that I have never stopped caring for him. It hurts my heart to know what he is facing. I'm sure that his wife will be by his side. I think my baby wants to be there to. Damaged going in to the relationship and even more damaged coming out. Both of us.

Ok. back on topic. What would I say? I was really screwed up then and so was he. His might have been more exposed. His was drugs and alcohol. I had secrets and family dysfunction. That really doesn't compare to his family's dysfunction.

I want to tell him that I left because I was afraid of him. After I left, I was afraid that he would track me down and try to take my baby away from me. I was afraid he would hurt me-physically because he had before.

How can I face him? How can I after 22 years of nada. I don't know if he tried to find me. He may have. It is hard to say.

I'm done for now.
Good night.
Kels