I know it's been a while since I have been on but honestly, there for a while, I forgot I had it! Much has happened that I will not go into. Other than I have had two times of very low blood sugars that have caused the paramedics to come. I came away from the last round wanting to do NOTHING that would make me lose control over my behavior like that EVER again. So, it is with extreme concentration that I am watching my blood sugars. I have ridden the blood sugar roller coaster and have almost fallen off more times than I can count.
I can not blame the "diabetes" alone. I have often allowed myself to get so high and not take insulin for it. Some call it playing with fire. Don't get me wrong. There was plenty to remind me that I am living on borrowed time. It's not that I don't know. I do all too well.
It seems the more strict I get, the more rebellious I get.
The other day, I was reading an article in Good Housekeeping Magazine about Sheri Shepard. She tells the story just as I have written above. Her focus was on her small child and what would happen to him if something happened to her or what dreams would he have to give up if she was sick and he needed to be there to take care of her. Her thoughts were focused on her Diabetic mom who ended up dying from Diabetes and the complications it comes with.
Her lightbulb moment came when she realized that she was on the same path as her mom.
In her article, the part that was like a 2x4 upside my head went someting like, to not take care of yourself is selfish not selfless. Here all this time I have been dividing my attention and time to everyone else and giving me what is leftover all because I felt I was being selfless. Among my thoughts were those of my wonderful husband, my darling daughters, and my beautiful grand daughters. Do I want Ashlin to have to give up her dreams to come home and take care of me? NO. Do I want my grand daughters to remember me as the grandma who was always sick? NO.
I want to be healthy. I want to be productive even if I am a stay at home mom. So, here is the bottom line. It's time to pay attention. It's time to check those blood sugars and take insulin for that food. Among the Christmas presents this year was the Wii fit board with a game. I know Ashlin will use it. I know I will use it. Even my dh will use it.
All I can say is, it's about time. Before there is irreversible damage. All I can say is Lord, please help me do this. I need to do it. I want to do it.
For them and for me.
