Behind the scenes

I am slowly coming to understand that the behind the scenes action is not really something I truly want to know. I am thinking back over the past few years where I have come to know some of Nicole's friends that work at some of the establishments I patronize. When I get to know the "personal" whatnots of the employees lives I don't know. It just makes me feel, contaminated some how. It is usually not until those people are either no longer working at such place or they drift from Nicole's life that I feel comfortable going there.
It is the same with the actors that I really like. Like Lauren Holly. She said something on her blog about some stuff that seemed alright on the surface but that led me to think that there was a storm a brewin' on the set of NCIS. I don't want to know stuff like that. It ruins the fantasy for me. I want to live in the actors' lives as the characters they portray. Now, with Mariska, I have drifted away from the character she plays and am now doing so with Lauren Holly. I see them making an effort to be open with their fans. I can't imagine them wanting to party with all of their fans though. No. That would be crossing a boundry, I think. Now if it was someone we had never met before and just happened to meet them at the beach or something, well that would be different. As it is, unless some miracle takes place, they can never be my friends. They are people. HUMAN but far removed from me and my world. Beth Moore probably will never be a friend. Would I like to meet her? Of course! Would I love to tell her face to face what hell my life has been and where I am spiritually now? Absolutely. I am faced with the nagging, I may not ever get to do that. Same with Mariska. Would I like to give her a great big bear hug? Oh yes on the spot. Same with the other women that inspire me. It may never get to happen.
I don't want to know how drunk so and so got at such and such party last week. I don't want to know who's in jail for why because I like the way they can sing. And I attended their concert. That is not fair.
I really hope this makes sense. I am really tired. It has been a long day. I want to learn from people what I can learn and be thankful for the people I have in my life. That is what I need. Mariska is doing a great thing and I believe she has an awesome heart for people who are hurting. And maybe someday in my own way, I will be able to give my part to that.
Lauren has made herself available to people to listen without judging people. If they are lying to her, it really isn't her responsiblity. The person(s) who are doing the lying are doing the lying for attention. She replies to every post. That's amazing. She really loses nothing. I mean, it feels really really good to have a known actor/actress pay attention to you. Why? Because they are famous. That is soo incredible. I felt it. I felt it when Mariska emailed me about the dream I had about her recovery from her collapsed lung. Then again when she replied about my mom. Yep. I was walking on clouds. That made my year! Now, though, I am doubting that I will ever hear from her again. I am ok with that. Now, Lauren, who knows. I may be able to keep in contact with her for a long time. She seems to like to respond to her writers. So, until she closes down her site, I will check in with her. But and this is a big But I don't need it to keep me going. Whenever I feel that strong pull for someone to pay attention to me-I need to find out the drive behind this- too, I will need to learn how to ask for it even if the person giving me the love isn't necessarily the one I want it from...I'll save that for another time. I feel like I am on the verge of making a huge decision for myself one that could possibly be um I don't know, liberating to me? All I can say, is, YEAH!
This is for those who know me really well. I usually don't pay any attention to horoscopes of any kind as I believe they can lead you down dangerous paths This came from Twitter I believe it was called II "The Daily Gemini" Geminis always look like they are surrounded by friends, but it's hard for them to truly let anyone in." If that is not me, I don't know who it is. WOW! Thank you! Could not have said it better myself!